The Day I Stopped Fixing and Started Listening: A Coach’s Turning Point

Let me take you back to a day that changed everything—not because lightning struck or a halo descended from the sky.

It was the day I realized I was working way too hard for someone else’s transformation.

I was coaching a young manager—let’s call him Arjun—who seemed to have everything going for him: good role, decent pay, and that unfortunate habit of speaking only in bullet points.I asked him, “What brings you to coaching?”

He said, “Time management, communication, assertiveness… and also, world peace, if we have time.”

Now, the older version of me—the "Fix-It Shantanu"—would have leaned in with tools, templates, TED Talks, and possibly a 73-slide PowerPoint. I had answers. I had models. I had an itch to rescue.

And so I tried.

I offered frameworks. I suggested routines. I even told him to try breathwork (as if a single deep inhale could solve a decade of self-doubt). He nodded, diligently took notes, and came back a week later... exactly the same.

That’s when it hit me:

I was trying to fix Arjun like a broken toaster, not listen to him like a person longing to be heard.

Listening Isn’t a Skill. It’s a Superpower (And a Humbling One)

That day, I dropped my cleverness and picked up my curiosity.

I asked fewer questions.

I held longer silences.

I stopped interrupting people just because my brain had already raced ahead to the “answer.”

And guess what? Arjun spoke.

He shared how he never felt “seen” in meetings. How he’d grown up in a family where speaking up meant conflict. How his to-do list was actually his way of hiding from real decisions.

I hadn’t fixed him.

He had fixed his gaze inward—and that made all the difference.

Coaches, You’re Not Handymen (or Handywomen)

To my fellow coaches: if you’ve ever felt exhausted after a session, like you did more work than your client, chances are… you were fixing, not coaching.

And to those unfamiliar with coaching, let me offer a truth:

Coaching isn’t advice in disguise. It’s a mirror in silence.

A space where your tangled thoughts get a chance to stretch, breathe, and become sentences that surprise even you.

From Boardroom to Living Room: It’s Everywhere

I tried this new-found listening at home too.

One evening, my wife said, “I feel like you’re not present.”

Old me would’ve whipped out a shared Google calendar and said, “But see, I was present—everywhere!”

New me just said, “Tell me more…”

She did.

I learned.

We laughed.

And yes, the Google calendar still exists, but now it includes time to be human.

Final Thought

Transformation doesn’t always start with “What should I do?”Sometimes, it starts with “What am I feeling, and why haven’t I said it aloud before?”

That’s the day coaching becomes magic.That’s the day you stop fixing……and start listening.

Let’s talk.

Have you ever tried to fix someone, only to realize they just needed your ears, not your expertise?

Drop a thought. Let’s reflect, together.

#Coaching #Transformation #Leadership #Listening #PersonalGrowth #ShantanuWrites #FromDoingToBecoming